Sequels Planned for 2014

Another year, more sequels. But will we top last year? I'm tempted to start doing this for video games as well. Really, it's just a matter of how many non-sequels are even released, especially during the holiday season.

Mad props to 2K for releasing 14 basketball games in a row.

Captain Phillips is highly recommended - incredibly intense, great pacing. The film has a texture to it that nothing else comes close to. Greengrass is the shaky cam master, just like you gotta go see Peter Jackson movies if you want your fantasy fix these days. I liked the new Hobbit, because it has a dragon in it. And a dwarf/barrel Transformer.

Every time I start making this list, I get through the first couple of months, and go, "Maybe this is the year for original movies!" And then I get to April...

Without further ado, here are the 34! sequels/reboots/refreshes planned for 2014, so we are a step down from last year. But note that there are NO 3D re-releases! So cheers for that. There were about 5 last year.:

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
RoboCop
300: Rise of an Empire
Muppets Most Wanted
A Haunted House 2 (unbelievable....)
The Raid 2: Berandal (can't wait! The Raid is incredible)
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Rio 2
The Amazing Spider-Man 2
Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return
Godzilla
X-Men: Days of Future Past (maybe will break my superhero ban for this one... Maybe.)
Maleficent (It's Sleeping Beauty, with a twist! And CG to fill in all the effects they couldn't do with 2D animation. Wait...)
22 Jump Street (Even though I will probably see it, really!?)
How to Train Your Dragon 2
The Purge 2 (coming out less than a year after the first one)
Think Like a Man Too
Transformers: Age of Extinction (Do I have to? Probably)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Planes: Fire & Rescue (another one coming out less than a year later - don't buy that box set for a while, because they just keep adding to it)
Hercules: The Thracian Wars
Step Up All In (When are these going direct-to-video like American Pie? And then do a Reunion one later.)
Guardians of the Galaxy (Not quite a sequel... but still, it's another Marvel comic book movie. And it's a prequel to the next Avengers movie.)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (When are they going to make the feature length version of Nigga Turtles?)
The Expendables 3
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
Dolphin Tale 2 (huh?)
Dracula Untold
Dumb and Dumber To (This is why sequels were invented)
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1
Horrible Bosses 2 (This is not why sequels were invented. How many times can you kill your boss, before you stop getting hired for new jobs?)
The Hobbit: There and Back Again
Night at the Museum 3 (What took so long? And where's the next National Treasure?)
Annie

Once again, we have a bunch of duds, and about 3 that I will see. I saw seven sequels last year. And I did not like any of them.

Except for the one about the Hobbit.

In the month of June, there is only one weekend where non-sequels are being released. On the other weekends, it is ONLY sequels, and Jersey Boys.

I am also very tempted to include this movie, because it is basically a sequel.

Can this be real?

I want to believe

Man Looking Down

There is a great trend in movie posters, highlighted by the cover of the upcoming game Bioshock Infinite.



If you want to say it all, without saying it, look down.

EDIT: New Favorite

I mean, come on! Stephen Dorff is the man! E-Cigs! And Soulja Boy's up in this ho!



Here are some other great examples:


At least they gave her something to look at.








Not dark enough!


Now we're talking? Can barely even see him. Is his suit even blue anymore?










He's got a lot of payne.


Double down look for bonus points!





Martin Lawrence's face is so great in this one.



At least someone gets the joke.



Be the only one looking down, to show how much tougher it is for you.



Who's brooding harder?


What the hell is down there?



The down/back-turned combo for double tough.



Spiderman again, because they really wanted to highlight how much darker this one is.
Also, "The Untold Story Begins" ????? I think I've heard this one before.



I argue that the more you look down in your poster, the less dark and brooding the movie actually is. Most of these movies are romantic comedies!

You can probably blame it all on Batman.







Please keep adding as they come along.


Here are some other great collections of poster cliches:

My favorite - the back to the poster to tell me how crazy the thing is that I am looking at.
http://movies.yahoo.com/blogs/movie-talk/proof-hollywood-no-ideas-184257816.html

http://www.slashfilm.com/gallery-thirteen-hilarious-trends-movie-posters/
http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/64047251.html
http://www.cracked.com/article_19093_8-actors-who-look-exactly-same-every-movie-poster.html

Got my sex box baby

So, seeing as its the year 2006, I'm really excited about playing cy's Xbox 360 that he finally grew out of. In a week or so, the new dead space game is coming out, and I'm hoping you will join me on my inaugural campaign through the scary war against the necromorphs. After hearing you tell me about the first game, I tried to play through dead space 2. That was by far the scariest fucking game I've ever played. I made it halfway through before having to quit due to excessive nightmares. Now #3 is coming out and has co op. Will you embark on this journey with me BG? I'm not sure I can face those monsters all by my lonesome. Plus we're almost at the age of outgrowing this shit.

Sequels planned for 2013

Just saw the Hobbit - a lot of fun, a beautiful world, kind of meaningless/pointless, but an incredible ride. The best kind of popcorn movie. It felt like I was back with an old friend; I almost wanted to watch Lord of the Rings again.

Also, the dwarves are great singers. I hope we get a few more campfire scenes in the next one.

With that, I present my list of sequels/reboots/re-releases for the year 2013.

Texas Chainsaw 3D
Top Gun 3D
A Good Day to Die Hard
The Last Exorcism 2
Oz: The Great and Powerful
Carrie
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Jurassic Park 3D
Evil Dead
Scary Movie 5
Iron Man 3
The Great Gatsby (the FIFTH version of this book!)
Star Trek into Darkness
Fast and Furious 6
The Hangover Part III
Much Ado About Nothing
Man of Steel
Monsters University
Kick-Ass 2
Despicable Me 2
Grown Ups 2
The Wolverine
The Smurfs 2
300: Rise of an Empire
RED 2
Planes
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
Insidious Chapter 2
Riddick
The Little Mermaid 3D
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones 3D
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith 3D
Oldboy
Paranormal Activity 5
Thor: The Dark World
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Anchorman: The Legend Continues
Jack Ryan


What amazes me about this list is two things.
1.) 42 Movies! Almost double 2012's list!
2.) There are actually a lot of movies next year that look great. Seth Rogen writing and directing a movie seems cool, and all the original sci-fi movies coming out is very exciting. If anything, those are the kinds of movies that we should be focusing on now; CGI is at a point where you can have anything you want on the screen.

Of all these listed, I probably only care for about 5. The rest seem like really bad ideas - RED 2? Top Gun 3d?!

I think we just have to realize that there aren't a lot of ideas for movies left. And there is an incredible demand for movies. We probably should just make one.

I think I'll do a 2012 write-up soon. I'm amazed how many bad movies I didn't see this year. It's like I'm growing up a little bit.

Also, Ted made half a billion dollars.

Someone must be reading our shit

Goddamn you Judd Apatow. Is there any chance Judd Gale is actually Judd apatow and he's secretly stealing our ideas? This one is right out of the Annisquam playbook. Even the fact that they're all childhood friends. There is also a very similar movie coming out from Simon Pegg that is a comedy about the end of the world. Even that piece of shit with Steve Carrell was getting a little too close to our genius idea. This must be how Kanye feels.

Judd Apatows This is the End Trailer

Dolphinception

Merry Christmas!