Sequels Planned for 2014

Another year, more sequels. But will we top last year? I'm tempted to start doing this for video games as well. Really, it's just a matter of how many non-sequels are even released, especially during the holiday season.

Mad props to 2K for releasing 14 basketball games in a row.

Captain Phillips is highly recommended - incredibly intense, great pacing. The film has a texture to it that nothing else comes close to. Greengrass is the shaky cam master, just like you gotta go see Peter Jackson movies if you want your fantasy fix these days. I liked the new Hobbit, because it has a dragon in it. And a dwarf/barrel Transformer.

Every time I start making this list, I get through the first couple of months, and go, "Maybe this is the year for original movies!" And then I get to April...

Without further ado, here are the 34! sequels/reboots/refreshes planned for 2014, so we are a step down from last year. But note that there are NO 3D re-releases! So cheers for that. There were about 5 last year.:

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
RoboCop
300: Rise of an Empire
Muppets Most Wanted
A Haunted House 2 (unbelievable....)
The Raid 2: Berandal (can't wait! The Raid is incredible)
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Rio 2
The Amazing Spider-Man 2
Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return
Godzilla
X-Men: Days of Future Past (maybe will break my superhero ban for this one... Maybe.)
Maleficent (It's Sleeping Beauty, with a twist! And CG to fill in all the effects they couldn't do with 2D animation. Wait...)
22 Jump Street (Even though I will probably see it, really!?)
How to Train Your Dragon 2
The Purge 2 (coming out less than a year after the first one)
Think Like a Man Too
Transformers: Age of Extinction (Do I have to? Probably)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Planes: Fire & Rescue (another one coming out less than a year later - don't buy that box set for a while, because they just keep adding to it)
Hercules: The Thracian Wars
Step Up All In (When are these going direct-to-video like American Pie? And then do a Reunion one later.)
Guardians of the Galaxy (Not quite a sequel... but still, it's another Marvel comic book movie. And it's a prequel to the next Avengers movie.)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (When are they going to make the feature length version of Nigga Turtles?)
The Expendables 3
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
Dolphin Tale 2 (huh?)
Dracula Untold
Dumb and Dumber To (This is why sequels were invented)
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1
Horrible Bosses 2 (This is not why sequels were invented. How many times can you kill your boss, before you stop getting hired for new jobs?)
The Hobbit: There and Back Again
Night at the Museum 3 (What took so long? And where's the next National Treasure?)
Annie

Once again, we have a bunch of duds, and about 3 that I will see. I saw seven sequels last year. And I did not like any of them.

Except for the one about the Hobbit.

In the month of June, there is only one weekend where non-sequels are being released. On the other weekends, it is ONLY sequels, and Jersey Boys.

I am also very tempted to include this movie, because it is basically a sequel.

Can this be real?

I want to believe

Man Looking Down

There is a great trend in movie posters, highlighted by the cover of the upcoming game Bioshock Infinite.



If you want to say it all, without saying it, look down.

EDIT: New Favorite

I mean, come on! Stephen Dorff is the man! E-Cigs! And Soulja Boy's up in this ho!



Here are some other great examples:


At least they gave her something to look at.








Not dark enough!


Now we're talking? Can barely even see him. Is his suit even blue anymore?










He's got a lot of payne.


Double down look for bonus points!





Martin Lawrence's face is so great in this one.



At least someone gets the joke.



Be the only one looking down, to show how much tougher it is for you.



Who's brooding harder?


What the hell is down there?



The down/back-turned combo for double tough.



Spiderman again, because they really wanted to highlight how much darker this one is.
Also, "The Untold Story Begins" ????? I think I've heard this one before.



I argue that the more you look down in your poster, the less dark and brooding the movie actually is. Most of these movies are romantic comedies!

You can probably blame it all on Batman.







Please keep adding as they come along.


Here are some other great collections of poster cliches:

My favorite - the back to the poster to tell me how crazy the thing is that I am looking at.
http://movies.yahoo.com/blogs/movie-talk/proof-hollywood-no-ideas-184257816.html

http://www.slashfilm.com/gallery-thirteen-hilarious-trends-movie-posters/
http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/64047251.html
http://www.cracked.com/article_19093_8-actors-who-look-exactly-same-every-movie-poster.html

Got my sex box baby

So, seeing as its the year 2006, I'm really excited about playing cy's Xbox 360 that he finally grew out of. In a week or so, the new dead space game is coming out, and I'm hoping you will join me on my inaugural campaign through the scary war against the necromorphs. After hearing you tell me about the first game, I tried to play through dead space 2. That was by far the scariest fucking game I've ever played. I made it halfway through before having to quit due to excessive nightmares. Now #3 is coming out and has co op. Will you embark on this journey with me BG? I'm not sure I can face those monsters all by my lonesome. Plus we're almost at the age of outgrowing this shit.

Sequels planned for 2013

Just saw the Hobbit - a lot of fun, a beautiful world, kind of meaningless/pointless, but an incredible ride. The best kind of popcorn movie. It felt like I was back with an old friend; I almost wanted to watch Lord of the Rings again.

Also, the dwarves are great singers. I hope we get a few more campfire scenes in the next one.

With that, I present my list of sequels/reboots/re-releases for the year 2013.

Texas Chainsaw 3D
Top Gun 3D
A Good Day to Die Hard
The Last Exorcism 2
Oz: The Great and Powerful
Carrie
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Jurassic Park 3D
Evil Dead
Scary Movie 5
Iron Man 3
The Great Gatsby (the FIFTH version of this book!)
Star Trek into Darkness
Fast and Furious 6
The Hangover Part III
Much Ado About Nothing
Man of Steel
Monsters University
Kick-Ass 2
Despicable Me 2
Grown Ups 2
The Wolverine
The Smurfs 2
300: Rise of an Empire
RED 2
Planes
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
Insidious Chapter 2
Riddick
The Little Mermaid 3D
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones 3D
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith 3D
Oldboy
Paranormal Activity 5
Thor: The Dark World
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Anchorman: The Legend Continues
Jack Ryan


What amazes me about this list is two things.
1.) 42 Movies! Almost double 2012's list!
2.) There are actually a lot of movies next year that look great. Seth Rogen writing and directing a movie seems cool, and all the original sci-fi movies coming out is very exciting. If anything, those are the kinds of movies that we should be focusing on now; CGI is at a point where you can have anything you want on the screen.

Of all these listed, I probably only care for about 5. The rest seem like really bad ideas - RED 2? Top Gun 3d?!

I think we just have to realize that there aren't a lot of ideas for movies left. And there is an incredible demand for movies. We probably should just make one.

I think I'll do a 2012 write-up soon. I'm amazed how many bad movies I didn't see this year. It's like I'm growing up a little bit.

Also, Ted made half a billion dollars.

Someone must be reading our shit

Goddamn you Judd Apatow. Is there any chance Judd Gale is actually Judd apatow and he's secretly stealing our ideas? This one is right out of the Annisquam playbook. Even the fact that they're all childhood friends. There is also a very similar movie coming out from Simon Pegg that is a comedy about the end of the world. Even that piece of shit with Steve Carrell was getting a little too close to our genius idea. This must be how Kanye feels.

Judd Apatows This is the End Trailer

Dolphinception

Merry Christmas!

Wow

Señor Octubre!

One Shade of Gale

DAY 1

I had never been to a bachelor party before. But I had been drinking like a fish for three weeks by coincidence, so I was feeling physically prepared. I was definitely talking about playoffs. If you can get hung over in Germany, you’re doing something right. The beer there is engineered to keep you hydrated and refreshed all day, all night.

My friend Jason had decided to marry his college girlfriend after about 5 years of dating- two of those years were during college, where he would lock himself in his room and have phone sex and eat hot dogs, while we were outside humping the doorknob and watching “King of Queens.” The bachelor party was definitely probably going to be hopefully something similar to the exact opposite of that.

Dewey Beach, Delaware is the destination for all Washington D.C. and Maryland party-goers during the summer. With a year-round population of 300, the town swells to 30,000 on the weekends. And it’s a special type of person too that comes to Dewey. I told a girl celebrating her 26^th birthday there that she was too old and needed to go home, or go home with me. Then her fat friend, “The Enforcer,” rolled up and bounced me out in the middle of me spitting my unusual game.

Dewey Beach has six bars and three restaurants. By restaurants I mean one place serves cheesesteaks, one place serves pizza, and one place has crabs. By bars I mean you don’t wear shoes out to the bars, because the bar floor is covered in sand, beer, people, and other fluids. And you don’t drive anywhere.

Dewey Beach is the place where 50 kids rent a house for one night for a birthday party, and they get matching pink tank tops with check boxes printed on the back next to the names of all six bars, and roam the streets together, checking the bars off each other’s list. I think you only get a check mark if you can leave the bar on your steam, and of your own free will – two things I often have trouble with.

We went with 6 other guys, and everyone had their own bed, which makes your imagination run wild with possibilities that generally never become realities. One of the guys was married, but you definitely wouldn’t have known that during the weekend. He was usually the first guy to break the ice with girls each night, which was actually helpful. Note: Bring one married guy to every bachelor party from now on. We filled the fridge with cases, put our picnic table in the front yard, flanked it with some tiki torches, and went to work at hollering at every girl that walked by.

Our usual topic of conversation was to ask if they had read 50 Shades of Gray. I come here to tell you that every girl has read 50 Shades of Gray, and if she hasn’t, she is a guy, and is still lying. This is a brave new world where girls like to get spanked and choked and go to trashy bars and get trashy with trashy dudes, or at least read about it and dream about it.

Every night we would pregame with about 10-15 Bud Lights each, depending on how well we were playing at Baseball, and then we would all roll out together, where I would abandon the bachelor as quickly as possible, and strike my claims. The 49er in me is strong when fueled by Bud Light.

When I was in Germany last month, all I wanted to do was booty dance – also known as bumping and grinding, or freaking. It’s just about my favorite thing in the world to do, and I had a lot of trouble with the European girls. To me, it seemed like I couldn’t just roll up to any old bitty – in fact, I was literally shooed away by a few of them. One of them even roared at me like a dragon.

Coming home to America, it’s like saddling up in the basement again. Right off the bat, the biggest girl in the bar walked up to me. I admit, I was probably giving her the ojos locos as I like to call them.

“My friend dared me to make out with you,” she whispered really loudly in my mouth.

This reminded me of a line I heard in college, where a girl leaned and told me she’d never made out with a dude with a beard before.

Who am I to deny a pleasant young lass her dreams coming true on a magical evening by the beach?

I think this was the moment that tipped off to the rest of the bachelor party that I was not fucking around this weekend. The rest of them were chasing the top-notch talent, and I’ve had enough of that bullshit.

My new bubbly buddy tried desperately for me to write down her phone number, but my number one rule on vacation is no phones. They usually get destroyed in the ocean, or you end up calling chicks that you probably shouldn’t call.

She disappeared, and I found a nice Asian girl. We had a great time dancing – all the bars have live bands that only play 90’s cover songs; it’s Disneyland for our generation – but of course, I lost her once she started telling me how drunk she was, and how she really shouldn’t go home with me. It’s not that I’m gun shy; it’s just that I like the thrill of the hunt too much.

I also met an amazing Black girl. The last time I had danced with a black chick, I was in Memphis in the midst of a crazy “living on a futon and living off of Miller High-Life” bender looking every bit of my 230 lbs., and rocking a beard that made me look like I should be noodling on a History Channel show. That Memphis Belle gave me about 30 seconds before she made me go dance with a big white girl in an orange T-Shirt. She was curious at first, but that seems to be all I can summon out of most chicks.

This new girl was so sweet – she listened to my lament about how I’m never going to bang a black chick. She showed me how to lean with it and rock with it; the trick is you gotta go a little slower sometimes. She even taught me how to grab a handful of black booty; the trick there is to have bigger hands. And at the end, she assured me that one day, I would lay with an Ebony queen. Just not with her. I guess I was going home alone.

Luckily, we had a new guest when I arrived at home. Steve had gotten through a back door of the house that we didn’t even know we had, desperately trying to find his real house. He knew which street he lived on, and was going door to door asking people (from inside their homes) if he lived there. Unfortunately, the cops came and decided that Steve’s bed was going to be the drunk tank for the evening. He was a nice guy though, for the time I got to spend with him.

DAY 2

After a grueling 6 hour round of golf (two people were playing for the first time), we got back to work. We spent the afternoon drinking three bottles of whiskey- Oban, Glenmorangie, and Johnny Walker Blue Label. I highly recommend the Oban in particular; I even more highly recommend drinking Bud Lights in between glasses of primo hootch. It gives the whole operation an air of disrespectful classiness, like button-up tanktops and astroturf flip-flops.

Usually, this would be the point of the afternoon/evening where I wake up the next day bruised and bloodied- and something nearby has been peed on. But something kept me in the game. Something kept the lights on upstairs. Perhaps it was a miracle. Perhaps it was the tolerance that I learned from ancient German sages the week before. Or perhaps it was the call of the siren I would soon meet.

Bottle and Cork in Dewey Beach, Delaware is the best bar in town, and probably the world, because of three things: the drinks, the floor, and the Jam Session. They have crazy slushy machines for the girls, and buckets of beers for the dudes. Most of the drinks, along with a lot of other stuff, end up on the floor, so by osmosis, you get even more drunk standing in booze. (Don’t wear shoes to this place.) But Jam Session brings it all home. Jam Session is Dewey Beach at its finest.

During Jam Session, you get a bunch of cover bands that become rock stars. They play your favorite Blink 182 and Third Eye Blind songs, and they only play the best parts of each song, which is also most likely the only part of the song you can sing along to. 60 minutes, 60 songs, 60 drinks. The energy at these bars is unlike anything I’ve felt. And then I felt the siren.

I have noticed that, in my brief time in the game, I am attracted to larger girls, and they tend to reciprocate this attraction. Sometimes they accost me on the street, other times it is I that is the accoster. Sometimes I’m chasing them around the bar, other times they are chasing me through a McDonald’s. But the thrill of hunting big game is something of which I cannot get enough.

This girl wasn’t that big; she was just well-fed and didn’t like exercise. She was dressed in the outfit that all these kinds of girls like to wear – the one where your big ass titties are hanging out. She also wearing the gold glasses that look like window blinds (I found out later that those were her night shades; she wears the silver ones during the day). I was smitten. I swear the dance floor parted like the Red Sea and it was only me and her. I ditched the bachelor party again and went in for the thrill.

I ended up dancing with this girl for about an hour, during which she and I spent a lot of time touching each other’s things. We basically went through a whole relationship in a night – started out real sloppy and loose, tightened it up into something very loving and supportive and gentle, then got nasty, and then we were both tired of each other. We left the dance floor, and I started throwing ice cubes into her bra. She asked me why I didn’t live closer to her, so I decided to walk her home and wrap it up.

Of course, all of a sudden she decided she was too classy for that, so I told her I had to go home and jerk off. But before we parted ways, she gave me her number. To be more precise, she gave me her card. To be even more precise, she gave me the opposite of a business card, unless this was her business.

Looking back, I should have known better. I’ve met this kind of girl before; I was just blinded by the boobies and the bling. I knew a girl in college who wore a necklace with her name on it. My assumption was that when you were on top of her and you forgot her name, you could just look down and get right back in the game. It’s almost thoughtful. My girl this night had her name on her cell phone home screen. It was definitely helpful. It was the first time where the girl forgot my name, and I remembered hers.

I took her card, and went home, hopeful that maybe I could tug and rally, and catch a late break in the evening at closing time. I was also hopeful that maybe I could call her tomorrow and pick up where I left off. Then I got back to the house and was hopeful that I wouldn’t die.

We had another new friend this evening, who also wanted to stay at our place, and had brought a kitchen knife to prove he belonged. We all walked away slowly, and waited outside for the cops to magically appear, which happens a lot in Dewey. It was amazing how quickly the cops showed up put this guy’s pussy to the pavement, with the good ol’ knee to the neck for effect.

I explained to the cops that he was just a drunk kid chopping onions on our picnic table (we had been grilling earlier and hadn’t totally cleaned up) but their standing operating procedure is just to bust heads and fill up the paddy wagon. Dewey Beach had its first murder in its history earlier this summer, and the cops were already on high alert in general, as they are in all party towns. In fact, in the summers, they just hire any old kid in the nearby county who couldn’t cut it as a lifeguard or a water ice salesman and give them a badge and a gun. I’m just amazed that no one wanted to arrest me the whole weekend.

DAY 3

We finally made it to the beach on Day 3. It was nice, water was warm, big waves and stuff. As it turns out, it’s not a priority for most of our generation at Dewey Beach. So we left and went out drinking again.

My plan was to hunt down my little chickadee from the previous night, but after a text message conversation with her that went along like two kids humping a swinging kitchen door from either side –

Me: What are you up to tonight?

Her: Hammered u

Me: Perfect

Her: I’m awesome

Me: I’m in the lighthouses

Her: I’m in the wabes

- I decided to carry on without her.

That night - I’ll be honest - I didn’t have it. I tried to go after the upper echelon hos, and they were not impressed. Maybe three days and 100 Bud Lights had run me ragged, but I was not feeling the love. I think maybe the lights were too bright in the bar, or maybe the bar was too nice in general, but my classic move of “sneak up behind you or front of you and just start grinding” just wasn’t playing.

So I left and went to another bar. Really I went outside and just started stumbling around. I was drawn by the twang in the air. I’m not sure what happened, but the next thing I know, I was in a hoedown. In the midst of all the club rap and gangdam pop was small underground Fight Club-style operation where tens of old people were all do-si-doing the night away. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that the south is everywhere. There was a live band, heel tapping, and square dancing, and I think a guy was blowing on an empty moonshine jug.

My memory is a little hazy at this point, but I’m pretty sure everyone in there thought I was the coolest person in the world. I was grabbing every old lady in sight to boogie down with me. I had all the divorcees in the house going “Yee Haw!” The midnight cowboy had his swagger back.

I returned to the first bar with that killer vigor and slayed for the rest of the evening. Everyone was so happy to have me dance with them. Grateful types were in abundance opening their warmth to me. Other observers may tell a different story, but I know what I saw, and what I felt, and it was definitely large happy women. But, slowly, surely, the night wore down, and I had to leave the bar and put a bow on the weekend. 

So I jumped in the ocean and fingered a homeless Mexican until the sun came up and I got hungry.

Its the little things

The one and only photo that hasn't been blocked off the Blumpkin Reading Material..


http://www.blumpkinreadingmaterial.com/2010/01/blog-post.html

Entrance essay

I'm writing a 250 word essay about my profesional goals for an adult undergrad program at endicott. Any suggestion/corrections would be greatly appreciated.


My professional goals are that of any other high school dropout. Succeed in any way possible. I didn't choose my profession, it is one that was available to me and I took it. After spending two years floating in various teaching institutions, I realized that full time education was not for me. I dropped out and began working for my father's small yacht yard as an outboard engine mechanic. I've worked there for six years and am very content with my job, but in the past year have found myself wanting more out of my career and myself. I wish to apply to an adult undergraduate business program in order to further my education in the hopes of one day taking over for my father in our family business. Though I have a strong understanding of the day to day operations of the business and personnel, I hope to advance my knowledge of subjects like accounting and computer science. These are important skills when thinking about running any business, and frankly, they are skills in which I have not been able to learn in day to day life. My hope is that by continuing my education, I can better prepare myself for future challenges. I do not plan to be a full time student, but rather a part time student, taking only classes that will better prepare me for the challenges of being a small business owner. This program sounds like a good fit for someone who wants to further their education and build a better foundation for their future career and I am very interested in both.

More big money bill

How many jobs you got man? Browsing through some articles on tax reform and found this...

"It would be the opposite of 'kicking the can down the road,' which is what Congress has done in the past and has been roundly criticized by experts and others," William G. Gale, co-director at the Urban-Brookings Tax Policy Center, wrote in an analysis. "It is the only way to get a deficit reduction package that is fairly balanced between spending cuts and revenue increases."

Big money bill, kicking the can down the road. Sounds like a rap song.

Is it racist?

Big Money Bill

http://www.playboy.com/videos/gamer-next-door-e3-borderlands-2

Hanging with the ladies in LA...

First it was the fog, then the mist....

Now it's .... The Haze!

Damn ghost pirates. Just can't stop them sometimes.

battleship sequel

More Aliens....Just kidding...but not really.

Well the good news is that if the aliens from Battleship ever invade us, we don't have to worry. They're a huge bunch of pussies.

Other than that it was pretty gay. Even the big tittied blonde. They did manage to include sentences like, "Fire missles, A32!" .....dramatic pause....... ,"Damn, Miss! Fire A33!"........"We sunk their battleship!" Then Rhianna would say something black like, "Oh No! Not in my neighborhood, son!" Also the aliens had spiky goatees, no joke. Lizard people with spiky goatees.

On another note, I don't know if you still love to sample crazy strings and sounds, but if you do I found these through the amazing app called Pandora. I give them so many thumbs up and down, they dont know what i like. I like to keep them guessing.

Check This Bad Boy Out for some great strings, early and also around the 2 min mark.

Listen to this for 7 seconds, is that the Kanye Sound?

Also, you need to keep stealing movies. if we dont watch them, who will? I liked a good ole fashion orgy. nice to see someone still making comedys. also their parties remind me of annisquam, the whole movie takes place from memorial day to labor day.

Aliens and secret government shit

The Smiths go to Washington

I liked this article about Jaden Smith and Obama hanging out, but the last line in particular caught my eye.

The U.S. government has no evidence that any life exists outside our planet, or that an extraterrestrial presence has contacted or engaged any member of the human race. In addition, there is no credible information to suggest that any evidence is being hidden from the public's eye.

The statement goes on to acknowledge that while the existence of alien life is probable, given the distances between stars and planets, it's highly unlikely we would ever make contact with extra terrestrials.

How funny is it that there are all these crazy  things in life that the government has a plan for. Like is there an operation "Jurrasic Park"? The government probably can't confirm or deny that there may or may not be a secret military branch developing anti-dinosaur weaponry in case of rouge theme park islands. Does this secret government alien planning committee have like good and bad plans? Like if they're friendly, its plan ET and if not plan Independence Day. I kinda hope they do, because filmakers have given them a pretty good idea of what they could expect. What is the point of making shit like War of the Worlds if not to prepare the masses aka tom cruise for an alien attack? And we know that cuddly aliens like peanut m and ms, which is good. 

Guess what I enjoyed seeing more today?

However, I must say that the movie is the best Hulk movie ever made. For that, it's probably worth seeing. But I really think I'm getting too old for superheroes. 

They did show a preview for a movie called "Crooked Arrows" and I could have sworn it was a fake trailer. It's the same feeling I got about halfway through the preview for "Expendables 2." 

I guess we can hold out for "Prometheus" and "Batman" and hope for the best. Even "Brave" looks like a dud. 

"Time goes on, now the summer's .... gone."

The Life and Times of BGeezie

After sorting through 300+ assorted beats, I have come up with 3 categories; First the 10 I would make a mix tape of. Names may be old or incorrect

1. Alone Together
2. Fine Mah Somehing
3. Hip Hop Taught Me
4.Left Back Thinking
5. Live without Ya
6. Trouble Go Gone
7. Misbelieved-before Luke
8.We done did everthing else
9.Wishing you Well
10. well for ten, I would pick any of the second category

Second, what I'd call the Notable Roots, songs that bring me back to smokin blunts and getting sunburned.

Exclipso
Mmm Hmmmm
Needs Now
Look the other way feat bornoSTA
the like boat
Lounge Sound
Ready to the End
On the sleep tip
Too Soulful
Im Playing Dominos
My Hallowed
Felt Jungle
Made more sense last night
50 goes snorkling
rugged thump
Lonely boy
Going

The third category is for the god awful beats that i will one day play at your wedding, just to keep you from getting to high on your horse.

Open Nuts
Peanut Butter Jelly Time
and of course.....Church Day pt 2.........DONNAANNNAAADAANAAA!!